My friends, they love my intelligence
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Panties = found
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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