walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
