So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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