New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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