Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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