I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
