Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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