U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
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I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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