we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
