I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
