I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
