So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
