So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
