He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize