dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
