somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
