god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
