if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
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You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
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COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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