I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
