you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
