Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize