im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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