i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
