I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
