The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
