if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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