In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize