Betty ford says i'm here all night
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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