So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
