after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
