my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Someone shit on the floor
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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