So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
