why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize