just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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