she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
