So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize