So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
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So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
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did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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