I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
