my mouth tastes like poor choices
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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