I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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