it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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