Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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