I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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