I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
