what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
