the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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