Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
