so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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