Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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