I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
