im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
