Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
