my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
