I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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