I love black thongs
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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