I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I need to sanitize my soul.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
