In the future we'll all be gay
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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