I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
