I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
