My underwear smells like fireworks.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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