I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
