so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
