Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
