we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
