as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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