As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
