WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm both gender and math confused
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
